May 24, 2007 The White House unveiled its initial budget proposal, and
although it will not pass in its current form, it does show how far President
Trump has fled from his campaign pledge to the “forgotten voters.” The budget
features deep cuts to programs that the rural poor – who overwhelmingly
supported Trump – depend on.
In keeping with the new presidential tradition of
celebrating pending legislation as “wins”, Trump will tour the heartlands and literally
fuck his supporters in the ass to illustrate the intentions of his budget. Because
Trump’s budget will negatively affect millions of rural, poor, and elderly
citizens, he cannot personally ass-fuck each and every one of them. Instead, he
will fuck representatives of his fan base at each stop, on the dias at some
point during his rambling speech. Pep rally organizers report that lotteries
are forming at most tour stops because too many supporters are volunteering.
“I signed up [for the lottery],” said Trump supporter Mitch
Coyle, of Saginaw, Michigan. “It would be an honor to be fucked in the ass by
such a great man, who will make America great again! If Killary was president,
she wouldn’t have the nerve to come here and show what she thinks of us the way
President Trump will. He speaks his mind, and that’s why it’s the truth.
Because he says it. So keep your lies to yourself,” Coyle added while pointing
menacingly at the reporter’s tape recorder.
The tour will be reminiscent of his ObamaCare repeal
celebration, a bill which was passed by the House but not the Senate, prompting
a photo op event on the White House lawn amidst much cheering of rich, white, male,
Republican House members.
“We believe in promoting the appearance of progress and
winning as well as all the many actual wins and progress we’ve seen so far in
this administration,” announced spokesperson Sarah Huckabee at a recent press
conference. “At any rate, the president is way overdue for another pep rally,
and the 2020 Presidential election is just around the corner.”
In addition to steep cuts to Medicaid and other “safety net”
programs, the proposed budget touts tax cuts that will largely benefit the top
20% of tax payers, leaving the poor and lower middle class with almost no tax
relief over the next 10 years. When questioned about it, spokesperson Kellyann
Conway replied, “I think you’re asking the wrong question. The real issue is
the selflessness of the president. As someone who doesn’t pay taxes, he won’t
benefit at all, while all his rich friends will reap the rewards of his hard
work.”
