No Teabagging at the Gym!

Ya know what? It turns out that not everyone is a good spotter at the gym. It’s a pretty easy concept – make sure the person you’re spotting for doesn’t get killed. But I found someone who had a different take on the role.

There were red flags, I admit. When I asked this young man to spot me on the weight bench, he answered, “I’d be happy to.” Without a trace of sarcasm. “Happy to.” I shrugged it off because the pickings were slim and I needed someone on hand if I got stuck benching a rather hefty load.

The second red flag was how he took instruction. Even after I said, “I don’t need help off the rack. Just step in when you see I’m not moving the bar anymore.” Pretty simple, eh? Not for my boy. When I laid back on the bench and set my grip, my man stepped in and also set his grip, both hands. And he’s crouching over me at this point, making me wonder if my time has come for a teabagging.

“I got it,” I said. “Just step in when you see the bar not moving up any more.”

So he stepped back and let me go to work. After 4 good reps, I said, “Okay, let’s see if I can do 5.” My new friend took me quite at my word on this. Down went the bar, and down it stayed. I put everything I had into it, but my arms were completely unresponsive. Usually, at this point, the spotter steps in and gives ju-u-u-u-ust enough lift to help you with that last rep. Not this time. I pry my eyes open and look back. My man is about two steps back, arms crossed like he’s posing for an Avengers movie poster while the equivalent of my body weight is resting on my chest. As I write this post, several hours later, my nipples still haven’t popped back out.

“I…need…a lift!” I manage to gasp out.

Finally my man steps in and lends a hand. Barely. Even with forces joined we are not raising the bar, literally. I started to worry. I mean, my daughter once spotted me and she gave me a better lift than this. FINALLY we get the bar up as far as the lower pegs and I racked it.  And then, AND THEN, my boy proceeds to lecture me on not using too much weight for a given exercise. This, after he nearly killed me. So I think I exercised a fair amount of restraint at this point in not getting upset. It was clear he was on the special needs spectrum somewhere and only had the best intentions, which is fine in most scenarios. Just not this one.  Sweet guy, good people. Just don’t ask him to spot for you.